Only the Gods Can Say

“Why do you care about me?” he asked.  Why do I care about a romantic interest? How do you change from friend, lover then to someone I care about in a very intimate and deep way? Only the gods can say.  It doesn’t happen intentionally.  It evolves after each time we smile at each other, after each time we touch, after each time I learn more about his being, after each time I hear his voice and share our thoughts, a joke,  a secret, and our truths.  After every time he is kind to me.  After everything. Time slows down with him and not one minute goes by that isn’t cherished.  I have total appreciation for his presence and being.  We have endured my behavior due to my bipolar disorder, but this not the blog post that I want to bring that up.  Not because it doesn’t matter because it does.  But for one sweet moment share with me my feelings as I lay this down.

I had no intention of really caring about a romantic interest.  Our initial and continued attraction pulled us together.  When we alone together, we make the sun wishful that she had our intensity.  At our best, our gentle and kind behavior toward each other keeps us seeking for more.  What is this feeling? Only the gods can say.  All I know is that I am fortunate to experience it and kneel before the universe for giving him to me.  Our kind of attraction rarely occurs.  Few experience it and many search or yearn their whole lives for it.  Famous songs are sung about it and greater stories are written.

In Arabic, it is called ‘mejnoon layla’ and in Middle East if someone say you ‘mejnoon layla’ they giggle at your situation and then bow down before you in reverence.  Because you have one of the greatest gifts enveloping your being.   A light that touches your dark places and makes them bright. A force that turns the world on its head.  A force that we know exists but no one knows what it is.  We make names for it, we analyze it, but only those who experience truly know how it feels.  “Why do you care about me?” he asked. Only the gods can say.

For the Gods bestowed upon us clouds to walk on through the mundane; a galaxy of stardust to bathe in; warm desert winds to wrap around us in our beds at night to keep us warm, and a sunrise for every time our eyes gaze upon each other.  That’s why I care about him.  Because he makes me feel this way.

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